I am often hurt, vulnerable and overly-emotional.
I get riled up over petty bullshit and I get excited when beautiful things happen to the people around me.
I could be a ride or die type of friend, but there are huge concrete walls around me, ones that haven’t been let down in so long. So it takes people quite sometime to get there.
I have trust issues, especially when it comes to female friends.
I am complicated and I am weird.
I care too much about people who don’t give a shit about me. I care even more about people who do.
I never wish any harm on anyone, not even my worst enemies. I don’t want to be enemies with my enemies.
I enjoy peace and harmony. I enjoy laughter, friendship and vulnerability. I don’t like loud music, I hate dirty dancing, clubs and bars.
I get overwhelmed in crowded places and I can’t act like myself when hanging out in large groups of people.
I was often told to shut up. I was often told I was annoying. I was often ignored and underestimated.
That made me small, wanting so bad to be invisible.
I have done a lot of bad things in the past, I have hurt people. During those times, my actions didn’t align with my values and that often made me stay awake at night.
I valued myself by what I thought others think of me. I hated myself. At times, I couldn’t even look in the mirror because I thought the reflection staring back at me was the ugliest thing to ever exist on the planet.
At this point in my life, I realize that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever.
By nature, people drift apart. Fundamentally different people leave your life, leaving room for more relatable people to come and stay.
I believe that everyone was put in your life for a reason, to teach you something, to show you a way, to entertain you, or whatever.
I hope I have brought a positive impact, one way or another to everyone’s lives I’ve touched.
I hope that even if we barely talk anymore, there is something you could take away from the moments we’ve had in the past, and that you know I wish the best for you.
I know life is not all sunshine and rainbows, my idealisms often gets the best of me.
I realize now that I prefer having people who could struggle together with me.
Who are hard working, have strong values and are passionate in what they do.
Who even though are often hurt or shunned by society, still pick themselves up and learnt from what they did. Who have lived through epic fails after epic fails, who have been disgracefully dethroned from a leadership position, who have failed their classes multiple times, who silently struggled through their parents’ divorce, who were called assholes, idiots and entitled.
But now have realized their mistakes and changed, and will continue improving themselves everyday.
People who grow, who invest in themselves and who are strong. People who are in touch with their vulnerability. People who are authentic. People who know crying is never a bad thing. People who can laugh at themselves. People who are alive.
These are my kind of people.
A lot of people could balance between the two, vanity and humility. I don’t think I am there yet. So for now, I choose humility.