In my never-ending journey of self improvement, I have discovered yet another important aspect into life.
Momentum, which is “the quantity of motion of a moving body, measured as a product of its mass and velocity.” (just googled it).
Just like in physics, Newtons’ first law of motion states that an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced or opposing force.
I felt that.
Okay, I’m not trying to be extra, or to be #relatable but I just realized, that this applies to life. Maybe I’m late to the game, but now I better understand why I do the things that I do and choose the path I’ve taken.
My whole life, I’ve felt like an abandoned floatie, floating through the ocean, following wherever the tides takes me. Accepting everything that is given to me, not bothering with anything that has rejected me. Doing everything that I’ve been told to do. I have just been free, floating, at ease, but suffering all at the same time.
My wants became what others wanted me to be. My needs became what everyone told me I needed. My thoughts mirrored people who were closest to me. My opinions were a repetition of what others have said before. Heck, my thoughts were often molded by other people’s opinions. Worse of all, my schedule was and is based on whatever people requested me to do.
By this, I would think that I was flexible, impulsive, acceptable, relatable, likeable. But was I really?
I have become the basic bitch I have never wanted to be. I have become a sum of everything I adored. But to my surprise, I did not adore myself.
I was like a combination of all the amazing, exotic ingredients you could find in the world, cooked in a stew that turned out to be a horrible, money-wasting, time-consuming, energy-draining dish.
Okay. Let’s hold back on the self deprecation.
Let’s be objective.
I have realized now that because I’m not an inanimate object, there are two ‘forces’ that could drive me in different directions and speed.
INTERNAL and EXTERNAL (surprise surprise)
Let’s start with the easy one first.
External forces. My mom. My dad. My teacher. My boyfriend. My siblings. The weather. The facilities I have. The resources I’m provided with. Hunger. Thirst. Essentially, things that happen to me, things I can’t control, things that are provided to me by the universe.
And now the hard one.
Internal forces. My thoughts. My self esteem. My motivation. My will-power. My energy. My mood. My behavior. My actions. All the things I can control. All the things that I plan and execute. My grit. These are the things that shape and define me. These are the things that should keep the momentum going. These are the things that makes me sustainable and successful. It is discipline, it is showing up on time, it is choosing to listen to an audio-book instead of binge-watching a TV show. It is choosing to cook at home instead of ordering takeout. It is waking up early every morning. It is saving up money instead of buying another pair of earrings. It is my actions.
I keep the saying “you can’t control what happens to you, you can only control how you respond to them” close to my heart. But I often forget how to live by it. So maybe this post is just a reminder to myself that everything is in your hands. Where you are next year, five years from now and for the rest of your life, depends on all the small things you chose to do today. The small decisions you make. The things you do right now.
So pick the right path. Do the things you’ve been avoiding because of fear, shame or guilt. Pick healthy. Prioritize yourself. Grow. Swallow your pride, don’t care about what others think, and just do whatever you have to do to succeed. Grow.
I know that you know what exactly it is you have to do. So just do it, and keep doing it.