Finding You again is like a breath of fresh air.
I don’t normally write when I’m happy or motivated, but let’s give it a shot.
The past couple of weeks (and even months) have been a huge shithole for me. I never really know what to do with my business, I find myself feeling empty and lost and scared to face challenges in my life, and there was just a lot of hate and anger in my heart that I didn’t really understand how to express.
I felt useless and lame and worst of all, I felt like a fraud. but then, I found Him.
For the first time in my life, it was purely my choice.
I remember exactly how it happened. I was in the shower, wondering what was different about my life now that I feel so lost and scared and confused, and what was there in my life before that made me feel grounded. The answer was very simple. Authority.
I’ve always had an authority figure in my life, whether it be my parents, teachers or bosses. So whether I liked it or not, there were certain rules I had to follow, and in a way, it gave me a sense of freedom. Freedom of fear of choosing the wrong path, freedom of having to be the moral compass, freedom of having to choose between two polarizing but equally tempting offers. And I think it’s very human to want that.
Now that I’m running a company, I must be strong. I must be able to be morally correct and make the right choices. So, rather than relying on any other human to guide me (because to be honest, I find it very hard to trust people), why not rely on The Almighty God Himself?
I figured, let’s give it a shot. So yesterday, I went to church. With my boyfriend and his sister. And kid me not, the entire time I was there, I had chills running down my spine. I teared up a couple times, and thanks be to God, I think I’ve finally found my grounding.
Things look less and less fuzzy.
a couple days later…
I stopped writing because I was too happy or excited or just couldn’t find the right words to express how relieved and grateful I am.
I downloaded a bible app called Youversion and am starting to read daily verses and follow some plans on there. Even though it’s only three days, It’s all going great. I hope that this will continue to be an everlasting habit.
On a less serious note, I bought a Nintendo DS, and am having the time of my life living the childhood fun I never had.
And for work, I am finally starting to gain momentum of keeping things running. Did 2 nights of deep cleaning, I feel like I’m getting closer to my employees. There’s still a lot of clerical work and finance stuff that I have to sort out. But other than that, things are going great and I will keep it this way.
Thank you God.